When I made the decision to come to Thailand I never thought about the implications of my identity as a white student from an affluent and prestigious school. This particular identity is something I reflect on consistently because of my studies in social justice. But since coming to Thailand, everything I thought I knew has changed. I fell into the “White Savior” trap.
I thought I could just prance on into Thailand and immediately know what I was going to see and what I could to help. SO many things about that thought are wrong.
First of all, Thailand doesn’t need to be fixed or saved. Thailand has so much to teach America not vice versa. Thinking that this developing country could be helped by some 19-year-old girl is such a statement of privilege.
Second of all, everything I thought I knew about the systems that exist here in Thailand were wrong. If you have never been here and spoken to the people and learned about their culture (which is phenomenal and so unique) you would never get it.
I don’t know when this hit me. It could have been on a hospital visit when our tour guide was an American who has been living in Thailand for decades. She was a nightmare. She was so patronizing and disrespectful to Thai culture. She would refer to monks as priests, while saying that Buddhists donated to the universal health care because of their self guilt. She said it would be better if they prayed for their sins to Jesus instead. Her Christian normativity was out of this world. I was disgusted. Thailand is a majority Buddhist country and their devotion to their religion is beautiful and moving. I saw in her some of the problematic thoughts I had. And I reviewed all the things I had said and thought in the time I had been in Thailand.
I learn more and more about my role as a global citizen from the most privileged country in the world. I spend so much time with my classmates doing independent research on colonialism and voluntourism. I still haven’t really figured out what my role is. I know I want to help but now I know I have the responsibility to be humble and respect the culture of wherever I have the opportunity to visit.
I suppose there will be more to come later on the development of my very problematic role as a “helper”.