By jcapobia
“Fitting in” is something everybody deals with. When we are young we try to fit in because we think that “fitting in” will make us cool, get us friends, and shield us from looking like an outsider. This was mostly achieved through appearance (new shoes) or cultural (listening to “cool music” and buying the new Lil Wayne album). As we grow older, this desire to fit in recedes to our subconscious a little bit and becomes less obvious.
When I arrived in college I found that people didn’t care about fitting in anymore, they didn’t care about conforming to what was considered “correct” or “cool: In college, people are more confident in themselves and don’t try to adjust themselves as much. I think when people get to college, they forget about trying to fit in because as we become older we become more cognizant of our worth and confident in our abilities.
Although that burning desire to become a chameleon and blend in with your surroundings recedes in college, it never really goes away. In Spain, I’ve found this “fitting in” urge to be very strong, something that I am constantly cognizant of. I visited London this weekend, and I can’t stress how similar I found it to a U.S. city and how “blended in” I felt. Although London is obviously London and has its own charm and culture, I found myself more comfortable there then I have in Spain so far. And I don’t think it was just because there was no language barrier in London. It felt like being in Washington, D.C. again. People were professional, ate at normal eating times, dressed similar to me, and had similar complexions to me.
In Spain, I don’t think I blend in very well and that always makes me uncomfortable. We’ll leave my accent and my stumbles through Spanish aside for now and strictly deal with culture and and appearance. First off, I think I will never dress as well as Madrileños. Rarely do I see any of them dressed down in sneakers or sweatshirts. They normally dress very, very well; coordinating 26 articles of clothing.
In the gym, I wear high white Nike socks and shoes, basketball shorts, and a T-shirt. My Spanish classmates, however, wear soccer jerseys, black socks, very short shorts, and shoes (most of the time). Culturally wise, I still don’t like waiting until 2:30pm to eat lunch or 9 p.m. to eat dinner. I’m also still unsure how to greet people properly (the double kiss or the handshake??). Also Madrid is very laid back and, after living in busy cities all my life, it's hard to adjust to the laid back lifestyle here.
Nevertheless, I think “fitting in” is something imagined. Even though I am constantly aware of my appearance and accent, most people still assume I’m Spanish and talk to me in Spanish ( and to remove any doubt, I had started carrying around the book, La Torre Herida Por El Rayo, around with me so people can be sure that I speak Spanish.)
I think “fitting in” is something irrelevant for foreigners living in a different country because, although I recommend students studying abroad to immerse themselves in the culture (see my last post), there is not one orthodox way to dress, speak, walk, workout, and eat. If you’re worried about fitting in in a foreign place, don’t worry because you probably won’t. But no one will care. I’ve found that the world is more like college than middle school. You don’t need to buy the new Lil Wayne album to be cool, just be you.