By Shanil
Now that I only have a week and a half left in the UK, I should reflect a little on how much has changed (or stayed the same) since my first post. When I was writing my first post, I had barely just made it to the UK and hadn’t started studying abroad yet; everything I learned was based on two weeks of traveling. Now with nearly four months under my belt, I feel a little differently about Europe but mostly the same in regards to my identity.
One of the reasons why I chose to study in the UK was because I wouldn’t have to learn another language. Sadly, British English and American English are still miles apart. Euphemisms, jokes, and simple phrases don’t translate. Dialects are difficult to deconstruct. Half the time the conversation is “what” or “haha” just to act like we understood what the other person said. Now, this isn’t always happening, but it’s happened enough to where it’s noticeable.
Coming into my study abroad program, I expected my international community to be made up of English speakers—instead I ended up with a truly international community that I know I’ll miss dearly. The Italians who taught me how to cuss in their language, the Australian that thinks her way of saying “basil plant” is better than the American way, the Spanish girls who have partied like no other, and the countless others from different countries and languages will have a much more special place in my heart than I originally thought they would. I’ve always had to make friends and move on to a new group because I was changing schools (or states) and haven’t made much effort to keep in touch with old friends unless I was bound to meet them again in the near future. This time around, I’ll be seeing a few of them in Los Angeles, others in DC, and the rest on Snapchat.
While this perspective on my international community has drastically changed, my identity as just an American hasn’t changed much. I still don’t feel like my usual minority self here, even when I’m talking about being a Muslim or being gay. The usual identities that are most apparent when I’m in the US are secondary, although still important, parts of my identity in Europe. Going back home, I know I’ll have to get some extra screening at the airport, especially when I’m traveling around the holidays (which I will be doing a lot of), and I’ll have to deal with a great deal of Islamophobia when I’m in Texas for a couple weeks. I know that I’ll have to deal with some subconscious homophobia from my parents, who have tried to come far from where they once were, but sometimes don’t realize how far they need to go before even beginning to understand where I am and what I’ve gone through. I’ll be reminded that I’m not some average American. I am connected to my race, religion, and sexuality. I’m going to be reminded that America has so many more issues than the rest of the world thinks we do.
The prompt asked me what I’ll miss most about my international community. I thought I was going to say that I’ll miss not having to juggle my various identities and being your average American. That would be wrong. I’m proud of the identities I juggle and that I’m not average. Average is boring and dull and what this new, intolerant wave of conservative Americans want from everyone. The thing is, America isn’t supposed to be so vanilla. We’re chocolate and strawberry and whatever other flavors of ice cream there are that I can’t list because I’m lactose intolerant and don’t mess with ice cream. If I’m going to try and feel like a normal American, it should be because I’m anything but normal or average; I’m exactly what America is supposed to—no, what it does—stand for. I didn’t think going to a country to mess around and “study” abroad would help me realize who I truly am and how I should perceive myself but yeah, did it really mess things up.