The greatest fear we all share is the unknown and it can manifest itself in countless ways. It's the preoccupation with possibilities that keep us up at night; that supersede the inevitable realities we ignore in a fog of uncertainty. It was the same for college. It'll be the same when we all graduate from college. It's this metaphysical and omnipresent cliff beckoning us forward through the properties of 'call of the void'. The desire to move forward, but the resistance to change. To change the comfortable.
I think the scariest part of studying abroad and your worst moments are the shared moments of uncertainty. For someone like me who clings to routine, especially when you balance work and school, without me realizing it, the unknown made me anxious. It took me SO long to remember the hours at HellWell change on Sundays and it opens super late, how am I supposed to get in the same habits here? Are university gym's even a thing in Santiago? What's the food going to be like? What if I hate everything that my host-mom makes me? What if I adjust but hate it?
I think deep preoccupations and deep worries reflect commitment. A girl on the program who's greatly concerned about grading admitted her stress facing the Chilean system. What if she didn't understand what was going on? What if she didn't catch something and missed an exam? But people that tend to worry are also the ones that rarely fail. Everyone has that one friend that breezes through the semester, brushing off failed tests or missed assignments, and that always comes back around. I think it's okay to be uncertain. I think it's okay to have reservations. I think it's okay to spend a lot of time thinking really deeply about your time abroad. Reflecting on your values, habits and desires for the future and then how you can find a study abroad opportunity that harmonizes with that. Quite honestly, no one knows how study abroad is going to impact them.
You can plan everything you want to do in Santiago and then get here and realize that it no longer interests you or that what you thought is popular isn't actually that popular. The great insight that each study abroad student internalizes is an appreciation for the nuances of living in another country, in another city. You may not be a local, but you know that public transportation makes no sense and you can bond with any Chilean over slang that you both don't know.
Our program group has a saying in Chile: "If you think it's going to be one way...it's not. It's the other way. Whatever the opposite is." and most times it's right and I've fallen in love with this uncertainty. I've fallen for this perpetual surprise, and you train yourself to understand and prepare for it. This sounds all a bit like I am wandering around Santiago always lost and always confused. And I definitely am. Just in a thoughtful and organized way. Rather than finding order in my habits and routines, I've found that I am the routine. How I approach problems, questions, homework, my doubts, my best times...this is what provides me with security. Study abroad opens you up to so many new cultures, foods, traditions, perspectives on life...and what grows and strengths with your time abroad is how you approach each new thing.