I have less than two weeks left in Paris and I'm beginning to experience a biazrre mix of excitement to return to everything I know and love state-side, and depression at the thought of leaving everything strange and beautiful that is Paris. It seems to be a sentiment shared by many of my fellow study-abroaders, and I honestly have no idea how to reconcile the two. My time abroad has been amazing, challenging, and more than I could have visualized four months ago. However, there's a part of me that cannot wait to return to a real, routine, potentially more productive life. Knowing that you'll only have a limited amount of time in a fabulous space ensures your commitment to thoroughly exploring it, but it also constantly reminds you that you'll soon be saying au revoir.
The majority of my exams will happen in the next few days, but I am simultaneously emailing bosses and university in the United States. It feels as though I'm settling accounts in both countries and preparing myself for my next trip before this one has even ended. I envy those with the time and funds who will spend a few weeks after Paris traveling Europe and creating a brilliant capstone experience to their semester, but honestly there's nowhere I would rather be than home in DC once my time in Paris is done. Although I spend every day learning and applying a new language and navigating a foreign university system, I miss the feeling of productivity that comes from juggling classes, friends, jobs, and other engagements. Granted, I have been able to sleep a bit more each night and really enjoy a 3-hour French meal, but even la vie en rose becomes a bit trying. While I want to walk along the Seine and shop through Saint Germain des Pres, I receive emails about writing my thesis and preparing for senior year; I hardly think these two images belong together.
Within the next week I should be done with the majority of my exams and the sky in Paris should finally morph into some sort of gray-blue (as opposed to the straight-up overcast we've had for weeks). This translates to more free time in a beautiful city, and I can only imagine how the desperate desire to take it all in before I have to leave will set in. It's difficult navigating a dual US/French life with important commitments on each end - particularly when you begin to worry that you're missing out on vital experiences in one or the other. Two weeks remains an exceptionally long time though, and despite everything I ought to (and will) prepare for back in the States, I have no intention of letting everyday worries or anticipations of future stresses cloud my time in gai Paris.