By Emily Golden
Hiya and welcome! If you’re curious as to what it’s like being a Chinese-American traveling in China, then you’ve come to the right blog. It’s hard to believe I arrived in China only two weeks ago when feels like a lifetime. We had orientation in Beijing for five days before flying to our host city, Kunming in Yunnan province. Having just completed our first week of class and slowly adjusting to life in China, I’ve definitely had some eye opening experiences.
From the moment I landed in Beijing, I was taken aback by how familiar being in China felt. In addition to having traveled here before, it was still an incredibly immersive experience right away. Because I blend so seamlessly with everyone else, no one has any reason to think I’m a foreigner. With lots of nodding, “谢谢”-ing (saying thank you), and looking confident, I made it to my hotel without any trouble. However, the cat’s let out of the bag when I try to speak coherent sentences or when people try to talk to me in coherent sentences. I feel like a secret agent with a hidden identity but there’s is a definite sense of anxiety and shame about being “found out”. When I don’t understand what someone is saying and reply with a blank face, I feel both their confusion and my own disappointment. However, the little wins when I do understand or reply correctly help me through the tougher times.
Another experience I think is unique to my journey in China, is the way foreign looking foreigners are treated. When one of my classmates says something Chinese, there is instant praise and encouragement. But when I do something similar or even something better, I feel like I’m just barely measuring up. I’ve also reflected a lot on my desire to become fluent in Mandarin and came to an interesting conclusion. While having an undeniable interest in the Chinese language and culture, I felt my desire to learn came more from a societal pressure and obligation to know my “mother tongue.” Being a Chinese American adopted into a white family is an ambiguous position for understanding one’s identity. The criticism of “not being Asian enough” from both society and myself shaped my intentions more than I previously thought. ...continue reading "My Yunnan Exploraration Project"