By allisonray94
The past few weeks have been tough, as living in a foreign country sometimes is. So I thought I'd discuss two unrelated, insanely difficult experiences: Wadi Mujib and the Language Pledge (yes, I am going to harp on the language pledge a lot in this blog). The former made me feel stronger afterwords, while I sort of feel like the latter is eating away at me. And only one of them involves cool pictures.
Wadi Mujib is a canyon next to the Dead Sea. I understood that we were "hiking" the canyon trail, but what got lost in translation was the fact that the bottom of Wadi Mujib is basically a river. Hiking Wadi Mujib is essentially just whitewater rafting without a raft. You climb down a latter and jump into the water, which ranges in depth from about a foot to maybe four or five. The shallow areas are easy, but there are several places where you have to climb a mountain of wet rocks -- your only help being a rope bolted to one of the rocks. There are no guides, no safety rules, and no guarantees that you won't get hurt. At the end of the trail, there's a huge waterfall. You take a quick break and then trek back down the canyon. I screamed a lot. I might've fallen a few times. I definitely broke the Language Pledge with a few choice English curse words. But every step made me feel stronger (note: I did not actually look stronger, according to pretty much everyone). I think one of the best things about being in a new country is this feeling: not quite of being invincible, but certainly resilient. After a while, you learn to be okay with bruises, with embarrassing yourself, with failing. It's fun.
Okay, not all struggles are fun. Recall that I am under oath to speak only Arabic. I signed two sheets of paper agreeing to do so. I failed. The first couple weeks were so easy, but little by little the Language Pledge becomes a burden. I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes. I can't be smart or funny in Arabic; I don't have the skills. I am by turns frustrated, lonely, and apathetic.
Yesterday I got caught. A group of students, including myself, were speaking English on campus and an administrator overheard. We each had to attend a meeting about why we were breaking the pledge and how we can better stick it. I'm sharing this experience for two reasons. First, I think it's important for those considering immersion to know what they're getting into. You will fail sometimes, and it won't be fun. Second, I think this just reiterates the point that you have to be okay with failing abroad. Not that you shouldn't try (I for one am going to refocus on the Pledge after vacation). Just know that you absolutely will fail, and probably often. Look at it as an opportunity to reflect, learn, grow. I'm hoping the Pledge will get easier with renewed dedication, but I'm not counting on it. Some things are just always going to be hard. The trick is deciding that you don't care if it's hard as long as it's possible.
Stray Observations of the Week:
- You know your program leaders are great when they are more sad than angry that you broke the Language Pledge.
- If you hate eating your vegetables, Jordan is the country for you. I can't remember the last time I saw a salad.
- I taught one of my mentors the expression "He doesn't have a pot to piss in," this week. Allison Ray: making Jordanians sound like native speakers since 2015.
-We have a second vacation this week. I'm going to Switzerland and Germany alone on a bit of a whim, so if you don't hear from me in the near future call the US Embassy please.