“So where are you from from?”
I’m sure almost every GW student has been asked this question at least once. Sure, everyone wants to know where you’ve grown up and where you call home. But they really care about where you’re from from. It’s like when you have to check those boxes on questionnaires to say whether you’re Caucasian, African-American, Asian, Hispanic, or Latino.
My response? “My mom’s from India and my dad’s from Pakistan. But I’m 100% Muslim.” But growing up, the answer wasn’t so simple.
Before, when someone asked me where my family's from, I’d say Pakistan. Sometimes I wanted to say India because it’s easier, but then they’d think I’m Hindu. But was I lying to people if I didn’t include every part of my identity that composes who I am?
It’s definitely been complicated to really hone in how I share my identity with other people. Though I’m just starting to find a healthy balance between my ethnic identities, my Muslim identity is the strongest. To me, my Muslim identity matters more than the country I hail from.
I’m a Muslim girl who grew up in an American suburb. I’ve lived in America my whole life, but my parents have always kept the religion and culture of my ancestral home alive. It’s a result of colonization, globalization, and diaspora. I contribute it to a sense of longing and connection to the homeland. Is my established homeland America (where I was born) or Pakistan and India (where my culture and parents’ families are from)?
Growing up, none of my classmates treated me any differently (at least to my face) because I’m Muslim. I think it’s because I’m not a hijabi (or “hibijabi” as my cousin’s friends called her), which immediately indicates a woman’s Islamic faith. I do get stares from strangers in public, but I never truly know if it’s because I’m Muslim or because I have a stain on my shirt.
Still, I felt like an outsider. When I celebrated Eid (our religious holiday) two times a year, I skipped school to pray at the mosque and celebrate with family. Some Muslim friends still went to school because they didn’t want to miss assignments. During Ramadan, Muslims fast from sunrise to sundown for thirty days. I couldn’t eat lunch with the other kids, but I had nowhere to go, so I sat with them and watched them eat.
Nowadays, whenever I hear people saying bad things about Muslims, I always feel the need to educate them and defend Muslims. Sometimes, I’m too shy to interject, but other times I offer a calm response. I know I’ll be in situations where I’m the only Muslim person in the place and have to give my opinion. I’ve also gained an interest in Islamic art, and I know that more museums in the UK and Britain have bigger and more in-depth exhibits on the subject. Hopefully with this trip abroad I’ll strengthen my voice to speak out and increase my knowledge about Islamic art.
So far, being abroad in Great Britain has made my American and Muslim identities clearer. I guess it’s the accent that really makes me stand out. I’ve found that people don’t really point out that I’m American until I’ve said it out loud. In the beginning I struggled a bit with paying with coins and cash in cafés and understanding accents, but I’m getting better. Time difference is hard, especially when my family wants to Facetime but it’s 1 a.m. in England and I just want to sleep. British people ask me about Trump all the time and the GW Election Night tradition story that I casually mention along with him. If they start becoming less curious and more mocking, then I’ve learned to hit them right back with Brexit.
One of the main student organizations I’m involved with is Oxford’s Islamic Society. I’m one of the two Muslim students in my program, and want to get involved with the Muslim community here. Even though I’m only here for a term, I want to do as much as I can. I’ve been to general socials and special talks and panels on Muslims and the Arts, Islamophobia, and Islam and Politics. So far, it’s been interesting to listen to and talk with Muslim students my age and learn about their own experiences in Britain. Even though we live in different countries across the pond, we’ve had similar, yet unique experiences. It's nice to feel that sense of community when in a new country.
It’s only been 5 weeks, and I’m already learning a lot about what makes me uniquely American, Muslim, Pakistani, and Indian. I know that I’ll only go deeper in my quest to strengthen my identity and understanding of the world, and I can’t wait to see how it all goes when my time abroad is finished.