Hi everyone!
This week I wanted to talk about something that's a little more personal.
My parents immigrated to Boulder, CO for their graduate studies and that's where my brother and I were born and raised. Although that means I grew up without ever really having family nearby and only saw my extended family 4-5 times when we took family trips to Korea, my parents did their best to raise my brother and me in a traditionally Korean household. That meant Korean food, speaking Korean to my parents, celebrating Korean holidays, etc.
When I was younger, I didn't really have a problem with saying that I was Korean when I was in the US and saying that I was American when I came to visit Korea. Because for me, that's what I was - Korean and American, just situationally I would identify with one more than the other based on what I knew people assumed.
However, now that I'm older and have a more solid understanding of my identity, there have been scenarios that have been more difficult to answer during my current stay here in Korea. At first, based on the way I dress and do my make up and hair, people could definitely tell that I was not from-from Korea. But they recognized that I was Korean, because when I walked into stores or cafes, the employees would greet me in Korean. Now that it's been a little over a month in Korea though, I've figured out how to assimilate more and as a result, came across some more unique circumstances.
For example, meeting new Koreans. I'm still not used to bowing as they do here when I first meet people, since in the US it's more customary to shake hands or wave and say hi. So when I meet new Koreans, my reactions are delayed - as in I just kind of stare at them, say "hi???" and then give a small bow. And then they just look at me, and we just kind of both stand there being confused and acknowledging what just happened. Then they say, "Oh so where are you from?" and I realize my foreignness has been exposed. Another experience I've had is meeting someone, and in attempt to be friends, they ask for a phone number. Although it is rather simple to get a phone here, I just haven't yet, so I say, "I don't have a Korean phone number," and then they say something along the lines of, "Foreigner??" and I measly laugh and say, "Haha yeah, I'm Korean-American." At that point, it kind of feels like an ice cold glass of water was thrown on the situation as both parties adjust to the new dynamics.
Perhaps it is my heightened sense of identity or maybe it's just the desire to fit in somewhere new, but I feel that Korean-Americans are placed in some sort of quandary. Because when someone starts speaking to you in English, are you supposed to reply in Korean? But what if then they ask for a phone number and you don't have one? Or what if they say Korean slang that you've never heard before and you internally debate whether you should ask them what that means or just laugh and nod your head. Even though I know being Korean-American isn't a negative thing because this is just who I am, those situations still do occur and I'm just in the middle trying to figure out the best way to respond. But one thing I do know now is I'm not circumstantially Korean or American, but always Korean-American.