By jcapobia
Let’s be honest. There are some people in this world that we could never get along with no matter how hard we tried. It’s really no one’s fault, but there are just some people who you don’t click with. Maybe you have clashing personalities, different interests, or just genuinely don't like each other.
And this usually isn’t too big of a problem, given that there’s almost 7.2 billion people in the world. As mentioned in previous blogs, people usually seek out like minded individuals and wall themselves off. Sure, may not be the greatest way to live your life, but there's some sense in it. It is genuinely hard to relate to people that don’t share your interests, your experiences, or your views.
Here in Spain, I’ve kind of felt trapped in the sense that meeting different kinds of people has been a struggle. I haven’t had the patience or time to actually maintain some of my earlier friendships, and this has led to the dissolution of many relationships. Additionally, as I’ve gone through my adventures in Spain, I’ve found that being an American restricts you in a way that makes you not quite “exotic” (for lack of a better word). Through the omnipresence of American media, foreigners will always know much, much more about the United States than you expect. And I think this kind of takes away from the cultural exchange aspect of studying abroad because I have no culture to exchange; Hollywood, Kanye West, and The New York Times are already spreading it around the world.
Furthermore, I’ve found I really can’t relate to other foreigners nearly as well as I can with Americans. I’ll give an example: One day, I accompanied my history professor on a visit to the Reina Sofia museum with his class. I was excited to go because I knew I’d have a chance to meet Spanish students -- however, this was not the case. By chance, there was one American student other than me (just so happened to be taking the class) in the group of 15 Spanish students. Naturally, I spent my whole time talking to him, not because I was afraid to speak to the other students, I was really just subconsciously drawn to the familiar.
I’m sure most people who go abroad will find people that they can become friends with, but I warn you that it is harder than it seems. A lot of times you may just not get along with foreign friends. With no cultural uniqueness, a language barrier, and a desire for the familiar, it is a challenge to get yourself out there to make (and keep) friends.
And if you don’t befriend the foreigners, what do you do? Imagine that world of 7.2 billion shrunk down to 9, leaving only the people in your specific program, the Americans like you. What do you do if your interests or views clash then? There are personalities you will likely encounter that will give you pause, but given that your pool of friends is restricted, where do you turn? Your circle of friends may suffer the usual clashes between different minded people, leading to divisions both large and small between people that too soon decide to terminate their friendships.
I’ve always tried to make this blog a calculated rumination on my own failures and successes so that those thinking about studying abroad, currently abroad, or someone just along for the ride can get an accurate perception of how it is. Nobody’s perfect and patience is needed when cultivating friendships. When making friends both foreign and American, look past the flaws and have patience, even if those flaws are your own. The quote “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you're with,” rings true here. Accept the flaws, the discomfort, the language pitfalls, and all the challenges that comes with making friends abroad. Or else you’ll find yourself walled off, pessimistic, and cynical of everything that dares challenge you.
When making friends abroad, accept differences, recognize them, and move on. Foreign or American, nobody’s a perfect friend, but, when abroad, they’re all you got.
