By Emily Golden
Hiya and welcome! If you’re curious as to what it’s like being a Chinese-American traveling in China, then you’ve come to the right blog. It’s hard to believe I arrived in China only two weeks ago when feels like a lifetime. We had orientation in Beijing for five days before flying to our host city, Kunming in Yunnan province. Having just completed our first week of class and slowly adjusting to life in China, I’ve definitely had some eye opening experiences.
From the moment I landed in Beijing, I was taken aback by how familiar being in China felt. In addition to having traveled here before, it was still an incredibly immersive experience right away. Because I blend so seamlessly with everyone else, no one has any reason to think I’m a foreigner. With lots of nodding, “谢谢”-ing (saying thank you), and looking confident, I made it to my hotel without any trouble. However, the cat’s let out of the bag when I try to speak coherent sentences or when people try to talk to me in coherent sentences. I feel like a secret agent with a hidden identity but there’s is a definite sense of anxiety and shame about being “found out”. When I don’t understand what someone is saying and reply with a blank face, I feel both their confusion and my own disappointment. However, the little wins when I do understand or reply correctly help me through the tougher times.
Another experience I think is unique to my journey in China, is the way foreign looking foreigners are treated. When one of my classmates says something Chinese, there is instant praise and encouragement. But when I do something similar or even something better, I feel like I’m just barely measuring up. I’ve also reflected a lot on my desire to become fluent in Mandarin and came to an interesting conclusion. While having an undeniable interest in the Chinese language and culture, I felt my desire to learn came more from a societal pressure and obligation to know my “mother tongue.” Being a Chinese American adopted into a white family is an ambiguous position for understanding one’s identity. The criticism of “not being Asian enough” from both society and myself shaped my intentions more than I previously thought.
Additionally, I never would have thought that traveling half way across the world would make think about what being a New Yorker means. While our orientation in Beijing was overwhelming for a lot of my classmates, it just felt like a google translated NYC to me. I realize that my fuse for slow paced things is shorter than most and that the virtue of patience is still in the works for me. New Yorkers are known for being very fast paced and self sufficient. I’m so used to doing things on my own but it has prevented me from interacting from locals who are genuinely happy to help out. Even if I know how to get somewhere myself, the getting there part of the journey is just as important as the arrival. At the same time, I pride myself on having a nurturing side. Some of my classmates have either traveled less or have no language ability and are therefore less confident traveling on their own. I’ve taken to feeling responsible for them and ended up turning into a tour guide figure instead of focusing on my own journey. While it will take some work, I need to put myself first when it comes to my education and my studying abroad experience.
All in all, I’ve loved my time here in Beijing and Kunming. The transition of
being an Asian American in America to a Chinese American in China has been and will continue to be an incredible and life changing process. I can’t wait to see where this semester will take me and I can’t wait to take you as well!
