A lot has happened since I wrote my last blog. In fact, this current blog is not even from "abroad", as I have officially returned back to the United States. Leaving Paris has been a whirlwind, one in which different feelings have all swirled together into one that is indescribable: I am grateful yet at the same time heartbroken, I am excited yet at the same time fearful. In the days leading up to my flight home, I felt at times content with the idea of leaving Europe, of rejoining my friends and family back home and reflecting on my meaningful experience. Yet, sometimes only a few minutes later I would feel devastated that my childhood dream has been terminated, that my time living in Paris has come to a close, and that I would have to say goodbye to a place that I had just gotten accustomed to living in.
Leaving Paris was more than coming back home after a long trip. In fact, when I was sixteen I spent five weeks travelling throughout Israel, so I believed that I would be used to the idea of leaving a place even if I had been there for a long time. However, this was different. It did not exactly feel like I was leaving to come home, because over the past three and a half months, Paris did in fact become my home. I went to school there, ate meals with my family, had my own bedroom, did my own laundry, and grocery shopped: all in Paris. I took trips throughout Europe and Africa, and returned to Paris. This was something that I had not expected would be so hard about leaving my sight of study abroad: it did not feel like my trip was over, but that my current life was being taken away from me.
Now that I am back and separated from Paris, I feel more of a sense of clarity. In this moment, I can reflect on my experience rather than dwell on what I lost. It has been interesting to reconnect with friends and see the life that I put on hold while I was studying abroad. It is interesting to see how people have changed and the things in society that have progressed. To me, it feels like I hit "resume", when in fact everyone else has been in "play".
People look at me either as if I am culturally different with a lot of things to say, or they see me in the same way and don't recognize my new experiences. Either way, I am not sure what is the truth. While I do not feel any different from how I felt before I left, I do think that I see the world very differently. I see it more from the perspective of two separate people rather than from one like I did before. Now, I am both the American and the Parisian, and these people see the same situations in pretty different ways. I notice the little things about my community that I never would have noticed in the past, like the different food scenes and architecture, and the fact that every sign is in English. In the atmosphere, things feel both different and the same to me, a very out-of-body experience.
I don't know what to say to conclude my thoughts about my study abroad experience because I am sure that my reflection and adaptation will take much longer than it takes to read this blog. However, I will say one thing. Study abroad was and always will be my personal experience, my own special time in my life. People may not understand what I went through, and they don't need to. The most important thing is that I did it, and it will always be with me. I know that I will return to Paris one day because Paris is mine now. It was one of my dear homes, and a piece of me will always be there.
Thank you for reading my series of blogs. I hope that they helped to give insight to my experiences, just as I wished that they would.
Au revoir!