By msparks714
6 Jan 2017•
It’s 5am and I hear something. It’s soft and in the distance but with the winter fully encompassing this city, it’s dark and I can’t see it. Exactly seven months ago today, I was laying here, on the same couch–just awoken by a different part of nature. It was the summer and the sun beamed into the window and the soft clanging of tracks of the Sbahn were so exciting I couldn’t sleep. Today, the excitement is different and reflective, it’s like the seasons are on my side in terms of emotions because as I get up and walk to the window, I open it to a field of white snow and the light pattering of fresh flakes hitting the ground. I’ve come full circle on this part of my life. It’s the sixth of January 2017 and this is the last day of the segment of my time here. It is also the first day of the new piece of my life and I couldn’t feel more complete.
It’s dark for a few more guaranteed hours so I make use of the time, mostly just sipping on a fresh made tea, snuggled under the pile of blankets on the couch, and watching the snow fall. Throughout my time here I never really thought that I’d changed, that I could be or that I’d be able to change anything but I’m sitting here looking around and thinking how different my thoughts are, my demeanor, and the new values that I hold in my mind for life. Seven months isn’t a lifetime but it gave me a chance at a new life—speed, outlook, perspective.
An important term that I learned quickly during my time in Germany is ‘zu mitnehmen.’ It really only means ‘to-go.’ If you go to the café and order a coffee they’ll ask you if it’s ‘zu hier trinken’ oder zu mitnehmen. To be quite frank, if you’re in a German café (not Backstube sondern echten Cafe so wie für Kaffee und Kuchen während Mittagspause) the likelihood of you taking your coffee to go is really low, but they still ask. My experience in Germany is a little like this. I feel like I also walked in, ordered something and then maybe my order was swapped with someone else but I went in looking for something and what I walked out with was even more than I could have expected…below is what I have taken with me or ‘mitgenommen.’
•Identity is only what you want it to be. You can truly be, look like, act like whatever you want in life. You shouldn’t have to conform to any certain ‘normal’ or checkbox on an application.
•”You can’t always keep breathing in, eventually you need to stop and breathe out, exhale a little.” My host mom said it best when she thought I really was doing way too much and needed to slow down, enjoy the little parts of life and learn the limits of the body and mind.
•Be open to trying something, a new genre of music, style of dance, even the cuisine of a new place. You really don’t know what you like if you’ve never tried it before.
•Stop caring about the wrongs or mishaps of others around you. If someone cuts you in line, it’s not the end of the world…neither is what someone else is wearing. It doesn’t affect you at all; it’s about your attitude and not about the other person in the situation. Don’t let your life perception change any situation to become less positive. You control you.
These are just a really small amount of things I’ve learned. I came here, to Berlin, overworked—overstudied—just tired. And I’m leaving feeling like I got 4 months of sleep and a whole new life back. I never realized that maybe something was missing, because I never had time to stop in order to realize it. Time was on my side here. Ich habe jeden Minuten genossen—I enjoyed every minute.
My goals upon arrival were simply the language. I wanted to steep myself in it like a really warm bath, I wanted to be totally engulfed in culture, expression, new formations of words and in a new form of myself. I got to accomplish all of these things. I went from an A level in the language to scraping the C level in just a few months. I learned where to walk, what to say to the people at the grocery store, how to order myself food or even ask for directions, how to enjoy Kaffee und Küchen oder Tatort jeden Sonntagabend. It’s the simple things that didn’t seem to be so big but that really make the biggest difference.
So here is my challenge: make yourself uncomfortable, or even better; find comfort in being unsure, getting lost, losing your way. Because in actuality is that not what life is really all about. If you strip all of the success, the predisposition, the expectation off of a person they are at the core just human beings with skin, bones, hearts and souls. So for me, Germany was about really stripping down. Not just because of their Free Body Culture (FKK) but more to the basics of myself from the inside-out. I was able to find a creative, new, relaxed person and really fall in love with who I was in that moment.
I’ve lost a lot of things in my time abroad…some money, some possessions, 12 pounds but also an old way of thinking… but most importantly I lived and allowed myself to lose myself. I was able to rediscover a truer version of me in a whole new light–and that was what made my time there so special.
Time abroad, or time in life even cannot be truly enjoyed (or even possible I’m convinced) without the influence of others. For that reason it is without question that I anonymously mention a few of the amazing souls I met along my journey who helped mold me like a brand new clay vase.
To my new family in Nürnberg with the countless good deeds, breakfasts, trips, coffees, and adventures—I am just torn for words because there is so much to thank you for and so few words to properly express how my life has been changed by all that you have done from me and all that you have taught me. I most learned that sometimes the simplicity is to be valued and slowing down doesn’t mean coming to a halt. Not everything can be gained from a textbook, and the connections are certainly more important than any certificate I will be able to earn.
To the new bonds made with old friends, Thank you for always opening your homes, couches, fridges, and your hearts to me, it was an exceptional experience every time we got to spend together. You gave me the gift of friendship for a life time, new books for continual learning, and an outlook on remodeling both literal and figurative. I’ll never make a coffee or get a glass of water without thinking about all of the fun times we spent together.
To my actual hosts in Berlin, I’m still so beyond words for how hospitable, kind, and caring you were to me and hopefully one day I’ll find the perfect words in your native tongue in order to show you my gratitude. You taught me about being flexible, having traditions, but also how to make the best homemade bread. You know the old saying about teaching a man to fish, well I think you did the German equivalent and my soul (and stomach) will now never go hungry.
And also to all of my friends and family who were not directly next to me during the last year of my life but seemed to put up with me over the internet, support me through written letters, friendly texts, or face calls–Thank you. It is also to note that sometimes it’s important to remember where you came from and reflect on how influential those people are in your genetic, social, and spiritual journey in life.
So without further ado, I suppose this blog will come to an end…because all good things eventually do. That’s okay because my words are saved on the internet until the end of time. Thank you for being faithful readers, and never forget that as much as you breathe in during the day, you must equally breathe out; get comfortable with being lost and you will always seem to find yourself.
Tchüss.