I’m sitting here completely dumbfounded. 102 days down, just 6 more to go. I can’t believe that this will be my last blog post in Spain. I don’t even know where to begin. How can I summarize such a huge experience in just a few words? Whatever I say here will definitely not do justice to the last three and a half months I have spent in Madrid. This has been an incredible journey of self-reflection, spiritual growth, and intellectual development. I don’t think I’ll be able to fully reap the benefits of my study abroad experience until I am home and I can see the contrasts, because right now, I still feel like a Spaniard. The fact that that’s all about to change is both exciting and terrifying. I miss home SO much and I can’t wait to see my family and friends (and my dogs!), but I also have built an incredible life here that I will certainly miss as well. I love my host mom and her family so much and I can’t even fathom saying goodbye to them. Though we will definitely keep in touch, I don’t know if I will ever see them again, it all depends on where life takes me. So the welcome home to America will be bittersweet – I’ll be back where I belong but sorely missing what I now know I am leaving behind.
What I’ve decided is that when you’re abroad, it doesn’t necessarily matter what you do. What really matters are the things you learn through the experiences you have. Do I sometimes regret not being able to go to all of the places I wanted to? Absolutely. But do I allow myself to get upset over it? No. Because even though I missed out on a 6-day trip to Italy, for example, I was able to spend much-needed time with my host mom. Nothing you do while studying abroad is a “waste.” You’re HERE. That’s the most important part. Everything you do, the air you breathe, the ground you walk on, everything is part of you living a new life. If you’re tired and want to take a nap, don’t feel guilty about it – because even though you’ll be asleep, you’ll be asleep in SPAIN, or whatever other country you are in at the moment, and that’s cool in and of itself. I’ve been reflecting on the things I’ve learned here, and here are, I think, the three most important things (though there are many others):
Patience. Patience with others but also, most importantly, yourself. I have never been a very patient person. But coming to Spain forced me to change that drastically. Patience while studying abroad comes in all different forms – being patient with the new culture, your new friends, and most importantly, with yourself while you adjust. It is especially crucial for overcoming language barriers, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
Confidence. Too self-conscious to speak a new language? Too bad. You’re going to have to. My host mom doesn’t speak any English and I had to get over my fear of messing up my Spanish real quickly, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to communicate at all with her. If you’re unsure of a word, you just sometimes have to go with what you come up with. I have embarrassing situations almost daily with messing up my Spanish, but I wouldn’t have gotten to the level that I’m at now without having the ample opportunities to practice it. And when learning a new language, confidence is key!
Independence. Yes, I learned the value of independence when I left for college, but study abroad takes it to a whole new level. You are, for all intents and purposes, on your own in a completely new country. You have people there to help guide you, but they can only do so much to make your experience your own. If you asked me a few years ago if I thought I’d be able to gallivant around Spain and Europe for three and a half months on my own, I would’ve thought you were crazy. I feel so much more independent and so much more secure with myself and what I want in my life now that I’ve been abroad. It’s helped me to understand my own needs and take care of them. This is the strongest skill I have learned that I will no doubt be able to take back home with me.
I can’t really think of a word or phrase to sum up my whole experience. Wonderful? Yes. But stressful? Of course. Worth it? Completely. As I wrap up with finals this week, I look forward to enjoying my last few days in this quirky and beautiful country that I have fallen in love with, and also to returning home to what is familiar and comfortable. Thank you so much for keeping up with me through this journey and reading my blog posts. I’ve really enjoyed being able to communicate my thoughts and reflect in this way about my trip. For the final time, hasta luego!