It’s been yet another eventful week in Spain, full of endless discoveries and adventures. I just got home from a three-day weekend trip to the beautiful southern cities of Córdoba and Seville, two places filled with interesting history and charm. I could talk about all the enchanting things I saw, recommend places to go, etc., but I actually want to discuss something on a deeper level that I have discovered about myself this week.
Studying abroad, by definition, is a chance to break with your old life and submerge yourself into a new culture for an extended period of time. With this comes excitement, anxiety, fear, and a mix of a million other emotions that you sometimes can’t explain. I had no idea how to even begin to prepare myself for such a challenge, and to be honest, there’s really no way you can. What I have experienced here is far more life-changing than I ever thought I could handle. As I read these blog posts and see pictures on Facebook and Instagram of my other friends who are abroad all over the world right now, I see that it’s impossible to capture the essence of studying abroad through this mechanism.
The truth is, it’s not all beautiful and exciting and fabulous. I don’t sit on pretty rooftop terraces drinking wine every afternoon. I don’t always enjoy trekking up giant church towers or going places for the sake of saying that I’ve “been there.” I get discouraged using my Spanish a lot because I’m still afraid, even though I’ve been here for almost 6 weeks. And this is extremely hard for me to admit in the constantly “on the go” culture around me. My friends and I all want to fill our time here with experience after experience, but sometimes cramming a million things into one day because you only have a certain amount of hours doesn’t make sense. If you’re miserable and tired, there’s no way you can enjoy what you’re seeing, or appreciate what it’s really meant to be. My favorite moments from my trip this weekend were not seeing the highly-rated Church of Seville or Al-Alcazar, but the moments I had with friends at dinner enjoying a delicious meal, or spontaneously taking a ride on a horse-drawn carriage through the streets of Córdoba at sunset. When you’re not doing the things that YOU want to do, you end up getting too burnt out to see the parts of the city you’d really enjoy.
Traveling is difficult. It’s not always picturesque and happy. Sometimes, you will get lost in the middle of the city for an hour trying to find your Airbnb as you’re dragging your insanely heavy backpack around with you. You will go to some places that you don’t enjoy or don’t get anything out of, even though your friends might. It’s okay to do your own thing. This is a personal experience, and I realized that I will never miss out on something I don’t want to do in the first place. This kind of power is something I never realized I had until now. I am allowed to be my own person. I am allowed to like and dislike things that other people might not agree with, and that’s okay. I’m creating my own life and my own experiences, and looking back on this adventure, I want to be able to say I did everything I wanted to do. I may be abroad but I still need to take care of myself. This is a lesson I will absolutely bring home with me, and it will no doubt make me a happier and more easygoing person.
Being abroad is a time where you are free to explore yourself. It’s not a vacation from life – for the first time, I actually feel like I’m living my life. I’m proud of the way I’ve handled the difficulties and ridden the inevitable ups and downs. The study abroad “reality” can sometimes be very different from its expectations, and part of adapting to your surroundings is accepting this fact. I know I will come back to the United States in two and a half months a completely changed person, with a new perspective on who I am and how much power I really have to choose my own way. And that’s an amazing feeling.