As a kid, I thought that being an American meant that you went to the diner after school every day to pop open glass bottles of Coca-Cola, and licked your sticky fingers after eating cotton candy at a summer carnival.The thought never occurred to me how I looked as an Asian girl, because I was always taught that I could be whoever I wanted to be, and do whatever I dreamed of.
You could say that I noticed that I would only eat rice at dinner--never mashed potatoes or roast chicken like I saw in the pictures on the bright, glaring lights of my old 1990 television set. Or that, I guess I wasn't blonde like the Barbie dolls at Toyrs R Us, and in fact, I had extremely dark hair. Christmas time was different too. When I asked my parents if we were making a gingerbread house, they looked surprised and asked me what that even was.
Eventually, I started to consciously notice not only physical differences between myself and the children at school, but even differences among values. I was always trying to determine what was "right" or "wrong", getting only straight As, or just trying my best.The worst thing was that I often thought that there was something wrong with me, I felt so different sometimes, and I didn't know who to listen to, my Chinese parents or American teachers.
Although my childhood in two cultures was hard in many other ways, I will never regret anything. I could not imagine living without the beautiful gold and red ribbon dancing during the Chinese New Year, and pan-friend dumplings year round long. I could never imagine not climbing the stairs of the Forbidden Palace, and marveling at the work of my ancient ancestors. More importantly, I cannot imagine a life without the stern but tender love of my Chinese family. They had given up everything they had in their rural farm town to start a new life in America, where they worked tirelessly to provide a better life for me, their daughter.
As an American, I have so many privileges that others elsewhere around the world can only dream of. It is no wonder why the broad streets, bright lights, and dynamic people of my country have such a magnetic effect that drive my country as one of the most innovative and open-minded places. Here in this beautiful land, I have met so many wonderful people and seen so much good in this world, and I know that I have the freedom and ability to truly achieve my dreams.
Today, while I still struggle from differences for being who I am, I am proud of being both Asian and American. I know there will be a time when differences are celebrated more than they are feared. In the end, we may have different skin color, facial structures, or cultures, but we are all united as people.