By clairemac93
When I came to GW as a freshman, I had switched schools every year since I was 13. In fact, coming back to GW for my sophomore year was as much of a foreign concept to me as starting at a new school is for most people. In each new location- Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Germany, and elsewhere, I faced that first day of school and the acquisition of friends with a deep breath, a lot of humility, a sometimes forced sense of humor, as well as walking in the doors with the bar set low.
Doing this abroad takes that much more hutzpah, as in the chaos that is cultural differences and language changes, you sometimes find yourself going mute. I once was quoted that I felt like Ariel from the Little Mermaid abroad, where in exchange for this wonderful experience I lost my voice. But it’s no sob story, rather just a phase in the cultural adjustment pattern of living abroad. Due to my many start-overs in new places, I’d like to suggest some tips for becoming integrated into a new community and how to make friends abroad.
- Join organizations, but only ones you actually care about: There is an emphasis on the latter part of this statement, “only the ones you actually care about”. Though I agree that, especially abroad, its good to try new things and go wherever there are people to meet, I also know that I get along better with people who have common interests. I’m also not the best version of myself if I’m doing something I think is a waste of time or not my jam.
- Invite people, don’t expect to be invited: I know, it sucks when despite you hitting it off with classmates- you seem to never actually be invited to things. You only hear about them after-the-fact. I also know that inviting yourself to things is both uncomfortable and unsustainable. Rather, instead, invite people. Going to a class at the gym? Invite a friend from class to go with you. Friends on a budget? Host a dinner at your dorm. Want to see a tourist attraction? Invite a local instead of a fellow foreigner. The worst people can say is no, and by way of experience, that “no” rarely happens.
- Don’t travel in large groups of Americans: I love me some America, but I’ll be honest in saying that many drop the ball in meeting locals via the simple mistake of moving in large groups of Americans. You are completely unapproachable in a group, and much more approachable on your own. Additionally, recognizing staying among Americans as a crutch of sorts, or a safety blanket, might help you branch out on your own. Why travel if you create your own America abroad?
- Capitalize off of your foreignness: I’m not saying you should buy a megaphone and sing the national anthem in the streets (in fact, avoid that very thing) but do let people know you’re interested in learning the culture and ask them to show you what they like most about their own countries. Remind people that you’re only around for a short time. Additionally, find locals who are interested in travel, international relations, or who have gone abroad themselves. They will be the most likely to want to pay it forward and take you under their wing.
- Start early: What a shame it is to hit it off with someone only to find yourself with a few weeks to go of the program. Rather, reach out right away, join things immediately upon arriving, and don’t wait until you lose momentum later in the semester/year.
- Don’t get discouraged and reach out if necessary: An unfamiliar culture may mean that you just don’t hit it off as easily with people as back home, don’t quite understand their humor, or maybe have less in common. Don’t give up. It’s a hard process to find friends, and it’s the easier option to just settle on foreign friends. But making local friends is a huge part of why you’re abroad, and how you can both learn about the country and teach about your own. So keep trying! Keep putting yourself out there. However, if things start to feel lonely- reach out. Call someone for coffee, go to the movies, skype with a friend back home. Just because you’re struggling to make friends doesn’t entail forced social deprivation.
Hopefully some of these tips are helpful. It is no easy process making local friends, but I think its just as much a part of studying abroad and sightseeing and learning the language. I was lucky enough to make my two best friends during my first couple weeks here through our common interest in German language. See here:
