By pw916
“Você não é brasileiro.”
Having been colonized by the Portuguese and chosen as a destination for European emigrants, Brazil has a decently sized white population. So, although my light hair and green eyes may make me stick out a tad, it certainly wouldn’t exclude me from “looking Brazilian.” But, whenever I open my mouth, the obvious becomes, well, obvious: I’m not Brazilian.
Sometimes people think I’m French or German, but to them it doesn’t really matter. The point is that I’m not Brazilian, and it seems to be the part of my identity that is most defining to those who are. I don’t feel defined by my not being Brazilian, but the weight it has here has definitely made me consider the different aspects of my identity that I cling to. It makes me question whether the instances in which others impose an identity on you matter or not. Is not being Brazilian while living in Brazil something I can identify with? Sure. Is it something to incorporate as part of my identity? I can’t say for sure.
I can say, however, that I don’t think anywhere else I have lived abroad has given me such a challenge in finding a balance between my values and the values of the host culture. I have certainly struggled while living in Brazil and I question whether I am the problem, Brazil is the problem, or if there is even a problem at all.
I’m more than past the halfway mark, but not nearly close enough to begin thinking about packing up. I’m at the point where making new friends seems great to enjoy the rest of my time here, but then seems sad considering “the rest of my time here” isn’t that much time. Things may be neither here nor there in regards to time, but I’m here in Brazil and have learned that not being Brazilian doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy Brazil like the best of them.