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The Identity Crisis

By sonyakalmin

In my first post, I gave a brief account on my background as an Ukranian-American. Following up, in the next series of posts, I described the categorization of Americans that takes place here in Scotland. Interestingly enough, not much has changed in terms of my identity. It's pretty clear to everyone around me that I'm American. When asked where I come from, my first instinct is always to say New York. However, if asked about my nationality, I do tend to delve a little deeper and illuminate my audience on my ethnic diversity. Going back to the United States, I will definitely be much more aware of my American dialect. Out of all characteristics differentiating me from my peers, it's the one that's been the most poignant. While not everyone here is of Scottish or English descent, they have all grown up learning "British" pronunciation and grammar. These are students coming from all over Europe, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. So of course it’s hard to even get into the topic of identity when the first words of my mouth give it all away.

In my time spent here I have become accustomed to the stereotypes attributed to speech. For instance, "thanks" is considered a derogatory term. It's rude not to say the full "thank you" when getting out of taxis or receiving your meal at a restaurant. "Cheers" is actually the preferred version for all of these scenarios, and I have found myself saying it time and time again. At first it felt awkward, as if I was mocking the Scots, but after awhile I realized they fancied it.

I’m sure many of you have kept up to date with the horrible scenarios currently at play in Ukraine. You may be wondering, how has this affected my identity? To be perfectly honest, it hasn’t. Even when I do introduce myself as coming from a Ukrainian background, no one really inquires. I may receive the occasional small talk from a lonely cab driver asking me about my thoughts and/or concerns on the matter. However, there really hasn’t been much stigma attached to the current events. The Scots seem to be much more preoccupied with their own pending independence.

When I return, the hardest part, in my opinion, will be adjusting to a much more rigid form of education. Here it is completely normal to not go to class, slack off and breeze through the semester without a moment’s thought. There are only three classes per semester, and each of which has a final exam worth at least 60% of your grade. Some classes may have a paper or two, while others may base your entire mark solely on that final exam. So while the students may not do anything for the majority of their time, the last two weeks have been something out of the Hunger Games. If you do not show up to the library at a quarter past 6 (AM that is) your best bet is to go find a coffee shop somewhere on the outskirts of campus. It’s been a rude awakening after having little to no busy work for the past 4 months. My community here has somewhat quieted down. I still see everyone, but with finals it’s been very sporadic. Most of my friends here live in Glasgow or London, so they have deserted campus to study in their respective homes. Hopefully, staying connected with my community will be as easy as fitting in here was. I’m sure it will be different not seeing everyone, but they all are yearning to do a year of exchange so reunions are well under way. I’m going to miss the haze, the fog, the long uphill walks to class and the sound of the bagpipe echoing from the Royal Mile. It’s been an amazing experience and I would gladly do it all over.