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Living Without Vergüenza

By meaggymurphy

One of my favorite words in Spanish is "vergüenza," or embarrassment. This is a feeling that I've become quite comfortable with since arriving in Spain. Especially in my classes (oh yes, I have examples).

So far in Spain, I've discovered that I can almost 100% guarantee that if a professor is going to ask for volunteers or give a surprise oral pop quiz, I will be chosen to answer first. I am a person who prefers to go to class, listen, take notes, and participate when I feel that I have something to contribute. I know very few people who relish being called on to speak in front of the class. By the end of my time here in Spain, I will never again feel uncomfortable being called upon to give an opinion or answer a question because it happens in every class here, everyday.

For example, last week in one of my classes we had a surprise visitor: a magician! How fun! Who does he chose out of everyone in class to be his assistant? Me. At one point, he has a coin and asks me to blow on his hand to make it disappear. This is confusing to me. I panic. I know what I heard him say, but what if I misheard?! Why the heck would I need to blow on his hand to make the magic happen? I'm afraid to ask and sound like a dumb foreigner. So what do I do instead? I fist bump him. It was the most awkward fist bump of my life. The class erupts in laughter. I cringe. Two lessons here: Don't be afraid to ask questions, and sometimes the best thing to do is laugh at your mistakes.

Another example was a surprise oral quiz in my Geography class. I am chosen first to answer. I answer correctly (PHEW), except for the professor is looking for one word specifically to describe the geographic structure we're studying. In my panic, I can only think of how to say it in English, and I know it sounds nothing like the Spanish equivalent. So I just say I don't know and move on. Looking back, it probably wouldn't have hurt to say it in English. But lesson learned: always be extra prepared for class with all of the proper vocabulary, just in case.

On the bright side, these moments of panic always result in me making new friends. After the Magician Incident, a few students from my class approached me to say I shouldn't be embarrassed because it was the best part of the entire magic show. Ok, I'll take it. And after the geography quiz, I'm approached by other students who tell me that they didn't know the word either, so I shouldn't feel bad about it. At least I wasn't the only one!

I'm learning that during my time in Spain, as a foreigner, I'm always representing my country to the people here. This is something that they tell you at orientation, but it really becomes a reality upon arrival. Professors aren't trying to embarrass me when they ask what I think in front of the class; they just want to know what someone who isn't from here thinks! At the end of the day, it's worth the occasional embarrassing situation if 9 times out of 10 I can add something constructive to class discussions. So, vergüenza only exists if I let it. Besides, no one ever died from an awkward fist bump.